I really miss my wine. I know I'm better off without it, and I do get little glimpses of how life is easier, better, more "life" without being drunk all of the time - but right now they are just glimpses. My AA peeps tell me all the time "I'm right where I'm supposed to be." Which is good to know. But I really want to be where they are. Happy, content - they don't seem to miss it at all. I know that motherhood is a very precious gift, and I love my children more than anything - but life with three little ones THIS little is really really really lonely. Especially when your husband works sixty plus hours per week and NO ONE can ever hang out. It seems like the last few months everyone has been sick or busy or both. I'm striking up conversations with the UPS guy...very sad. The even sadder thing is he probably gets that a lot and goes home and laughs about it over beers with his friends. If I could go to the gym, take up a few new hobbies, go shopping - anything - I think I would miss my wine A LOT less. Sometimes I wish I would have discovered I was an alcoholic when my youngest daughter started going to school. Much easier. Wine was my relief for the boredom and loneliness. A respite from the endless "mom"s and the breaking up of fights, all the cleaning and changing of diapers. Wine made my day go by a bit faster.
But then I have to look at the other side. If I could have kept it to a few glasses of wine to make the afternoons a bit lighter, that would have been better. But I can't. I would have missed their childhood. I would have had to cancel playdates or school events because I wasn't able to drive. I always had a hangover until I drank it away. There were days that I couldn't stand up straight because I felt so sick until I had that first glass of wine. I have to remember everything CORRECTLY before I decide to have that first drink again. I wouldn't have gotten to where I am if I would have been able to keep it to a few glasses of wine
