So a couple of days ago I took my kids to the playground.  It's about 1/4 of a mile away from our house - we live at the end of a dead end road and you have to walk all the way up the street and another half block and you're there.  It was around 5:30pm, which normally by this time I would already have a pretty solid buzz, so it felt really good, really "grown-up" and "responsible" to be doing it sober.  We were having a great time!  Which lasted about ten minutes.  My son, who just turned four, realized he forgot to bring his basketball and wanted to go back and get it.  Well, hells to the no we were not walking all the way back to get the damn ball when it was going to be dark in the next half hour.  Cue temper tantrum.

Off subject a little, just to catch you up a bit on the home life...

Being drunk/hungover most of the time, I was never consistent with my punishments.  I had no follow through.  I would threaten and cajole, sometimes cry, but never really put into action the many horrible things I would promise were going to take place if my kids didn't do as they were told.  HUGE mistake.  They take nothing I say seriously.  So now I am on this kick that whatever I say (if you don't stop screaming, you will stay in your room forever) will happen.  I really have to be careful about my threats.  Once they are out I can't take them back.  It is really hard to think on the fly when you are furious - I find myself yelling things like "If you don't stop running on the couch....I don't even KNOW what's gonna happen!!"  Scary, right?  I'm a work in progress.

Back to tantrum...

He is PISSED.  He's yelling at me, switching from standing with his arms crossed over his chest to kicking the grass and stomping his foot.  So I make the stupendous mistake of blurting "That's it!  We are going home!"  I wasn't ready, my daughters weren't ready, I'm just in such a horrible habit of making threats and not following through, it was out before I could think.  Now I have to pack up the baby in her stroller and get my daughter to leave with me.  Which is not going to happen.

Picture this:  A mom jogging her stroller down the street, two kids screaming bloody murder behind her.  They are throwing themselves on the ground, getting up, catching up with said stroller and then throwing themselves onto the ground again.  Over and over until we get home.  At one point, my son was even running in front of me to try to get me to stop.  I had three neighbors open their doors to find out what all the hubbub was.  A very nice woman even offered to let me leave my son with her.  (I don't think she had any idea how close I was to pretending she was serious.)  My daughter was grabbing onto my coat, so I was half-dragging her part of the way.  A drunk night would have been a sure thing not too long ago - what a perfect excuse to get hammered.  But I didn't.  At one point, believe it or not, I was laughing so hard I had tears rolling down my face.  Adjusting to sobriety when real life happens is a weird thing.  God, I just needed help in that moment - thank you.  And if anyone out there has some pointers on solid threats to make that don't ruin everybody's good time, I am open to suggestions!