Super Mom

I am obsessed with looking for other moms like me.  I could read blogs all day long (not that my kids would let me do anything for more than fifteen minutes, but I could) about all of the mothers out there who struggle with alcohol.  I had no idea so many people blogged, let alone moms trying to get sober.  Has it always been like this?  Has motherhood always been this hard?  The term "mother's little helper" has been around for ages, and although the Rolling Stones are referring to pill popping, the idea is the same.  Just google "mothers and alcohol" and you will be assailed with sites.  Some of the things I read are very inspiring and hopeful, but once in a while I come across a news article or blog subject that makes me angry.  This one is heartbreaking but the attitude that the woman writing the article takes makes me want to find her and slap her.  It's titled "How Could a Mother Drive Drunk?"

http://parenting.blogs.nytimes.com/2009/08/05/two-quick-updates-on-motherlod/

How could any human being of sound mind drive drunk?  Let me just say this before I say anything else.  This is a horrific tragedy, something that should never, ever have happened and I am not defending this driver in any way whatsoever.  I am going to assume that she was an alcoholic though.  I don't know many social drinkers that are indulging on a Sunday morning before driving their kids around.  Does this journalist think that this disease is choosy?  Does it pick only people that don't have children or have nothing to lose?  This is what I'm talking about when I refer to the humiliation that moms feel, making them terrified to admit they are alcoholic.  I can't help but wonder, if this mother would have been encouraged by society to seek help, would things have ended differently?  Will any woman, having read this article, feel compelled to shout to the heavens that she needs help?  I don't think so.  Admitting my problem was the scariest thing I have ever done.  I sat through my first meetings with my mouth shut.  I was sure that if I told anyone my story, CPS would show up on my doorstep the next day.  That is why AA works for me.  Nobody judges me and almost every woman I have talked to has a similar story.  They say this does not make us horrible mothers, it makes us human.  I still have to convince myself of this, because the guilt goes deep.  I would give up one of my limbs if it meant that I could quit drinking today and never have a second thought about it, but this is my cross to bear.  I wish I could go back and explain to my 21 year old self that her brain is wired differently.  That her recreational drinking will turn into necessity drinking - that there is no going back once you've gone too far.

So I just want to give a big shout out (woot! woot!) to all of the brave women out there who have decided to say it out loud.  "I am an alcoholic - I want to be the best mother I can be, so I am going to get help.  I will not let this disease kill me, I will live."  And my heart goes out to all of those mommies that are too embarrassed or afraid to come forward - it's not as scary as you think.

A little factoid:

A current study compared 301 alcoholic women, ages 20 to 50, interviewed in 21 different treatment facilities, and a control group of nonalcoholic women matched for age and socioeconomic status of family of origin. A significantly higher percentage of alcoholic women (40.0% vs 8.8%) reported having made suicide attempts, a difference of 31.2 percentage points.